The Tormenting Fall
by Jaykakashifan
Summary: Grimmjow is gone, Ichigo is tormented but will there be a happy ending?
1. The Fall

Disclaimer:  I do not own Bleach nor the characters.

Warning! Shounen-ai (boyxboy) and sadness

A/N: Also had inspiration from "Who wants to live forever?" by Queen

The Torment

After my last fight with Grimmjow, I thought I would have stopped thinking about him but the feel of his hand as I lowered him to the ground has not left my memory. I perform all the daily tasks and extras as a substitute shinigami should which has everyone worrying about me, because I have never been known to take direct orders from anyone. I barely go into my body anymore and when I do its usually because I was forced back in by my father. Every now and then looking at the sky reminds me of him and I feel that sensation in my hand.

Why Grimmjow? Why did we have to meet as enemies? I know I am a Shinigami/Visard and you are an Espada so we could never have been lovers or could we have made it work? Why won't you answer me?

"Dammit Grimmjow! Answer me! Please answer me?" I feel the the warmth run down my cheeks as I sit in my window in Shinigami form staring at the blue sky that reminds me so much of you. I remember after all the fighting was over I begged Orihime to bring you back but you had already turned into dust nothing more than dust is my love.

At first I did not even know what my heart was doing until you were gone.

"Why?" Couldn't I tell you I loved you even once. I slammed my fist into my window frame. I closed my eyes and let myself fall from my window with my eyes closed I know it probably wouldn't hurt me to bad so when I wake from this free floating sensation I will continuously go higher until I can reach you my love.

The Fall

Your smile, your eyes, even your transformation I see while I fall. This time Grimmjow I should be with you. This fall will kill me. I smile and close my eyes for a better view of you. I am almost there. Someone caught me I open my eyes a little and catch a glimpse of blue then my eyes close again in a peaceful sleep.

Awakening

I look around and I am in Seirtei. What am I doing here?

"Well its about time you are awake," a voice speaks to me softly. It sounds familiar.

"What am I doing here?" I slowly open my eyes.

"You jumped again BAKA!" Renji yells in my face.

"so?" I ask. I have no reason to be anymore.

"Because, I love you," I bolted up.

"Grimmjow?" My love was kneeling right beside me and I had no idea or have I truly lost it?

He was wearing a captains uniform and his hair was slightly longer but it was him alright. "How?"

Renji explained that at the moment I grabbed his hand he felt his love for me and regained a soul and being that time moves differently in the spiritual plains Grimmjow happened to just appear a few days ago right next to where the captain examinees were being tested and since he was a little confused he took the exam and "now here he is a Captain." Renji smiled as he left the room.

"Grimmjow your alive?"

"You aren't thinking you could defeat me are you?" There is that excited expression he always had before our fights

"Grimmjow?"

"Yes?"

"I love you, you are never allowed to disappear on me again, if you do I will follow."

He smiled. "I love you too and remember you are mine and are in no way allowed to get hurt."

**A/N: I will be doing a follow up story including on how others take the news that Grimmjow is still alive along with what other things did Ichigo do to ease is his pain.**


	2. Whilst a Lover

Once a Lover

Renji closed the door and let a tear slip out of his eye. "No! You told yourself you wouldn't cry so dammit don't do it! Why did he still have to be alive? It was just supposed to be a one time thing with no feelings attached but since you have been in my heart."

'I don't mean to sound like I am not happy for you Ichigo, because I truly am happy for you. Seeing you together...it hurts.' Renji thought to himself as he walked to his room with memories flooding back into his mind.

"_Ichigo? What are you doing here?" Renji had asked to the sullen looking Ichigo._

"_I thought I would come here to look at the sky...anyway how is going with Byakuya? Have you told him how you feel yet?" You put on that fake smile you have been wearing lately._

"_Well you know how it goes he is too high class for me apparentely, oh well there is plenty of other fish out there!" Renj chuckled to hide the pain as he did so Ichigo reached over and pulled out Renjis hair tie so fast he didn't have time to react. "What the hell are you doing?" Before he received an answer Ichigo pushed him to the ground and was sitting on top of him. His eyes were masked by the shadow of his hair._

"_I promise it will be a one time thing but help me to forget him and I will be a replacement for Byakuya for you." Renji felt the warmth of a tear fall down on his chest trailing his tattoo and he couldn't believe what he was about to say._

"_Are you sure about this Ichigo?" He whispered softly as he pulled him down to kiss him._

"_Please?" Ichigo pleaded._

Renji could still feel his touch. At first he never thought he could forget Byakuya until slowly he replaced him in his heart with the his thoughts of Ichigo. The thoughts of Ichigo were driving him mad and the fact that Ichigo was still a virgin made him blush.

_Later on that precious day..._

"_Renji?" Ichigo blushed as they were laying there together in the field on one of Renjis few days off. _

"_Yes Ichigo?" Renji whispered into his hair._

"_Thank you for letting me give myself to you..." Ichigo drifted off to sleep._

"_Anytime." Renji had never felt so amazed and fulfilled with any of the countless lovers he had in the past. For some reason even though he felt his heart break for betraying Byakuya, though they were not together, he felt everything would be alright as long as he had Ichigo._

_He heard Ichigo mumble something in his sleep. He got closer to him so he could hear what he was saying._

"_Grimmjow" Ichigo mumbled as a tear slid down his cheek. Renji's heart dropped._

"I knew I didn't have a chance why did I even try? Because your a fool" Renji smiled to himself as he collapsed onto his mat.

In the Shadows

The longed hair male fell into the corner outside of Renji's room. He had also known how he felt for the red head but was never any good with words. When he had decided to tell the red head male of his true feelings he saw him with Ichigo and for the first time he let his tears flow freely. He had remembered the conversation he had with Renji not to long before behind and regretted what he had said but now he could no longer take it back and fall into the red heads arms and let himself be weak but only in front of the redhead.

_The conversation running over and over in his mind..._

"_Captain?" Renji said wearily for he wanted to call him by his name but knew he musn't._

"_Yes?" Byakuya had answered a bit startled at the sudden intrusion, though he dare not show it, because his thoughts had been on something quite intriguing. His guard was dropped due to a certain red head intruding into his thoughts._

"_May I speak freely?" Renji tried to hide his blush._

_'Now this is unusual' Byakuya thought being that the red head always spoke freely given permission or not._

"_Go on."_

"_I must say you have intruded on my thoughts and set yourself into my heart and refused to leave!" Renji stated flately with hands on hip matter of factly and had it not been serious Byakuya might have laughed._

"_What are you trying to say?" Byakuya asked a little wide eyed but hide it well._

"_What I am trying to say is..." Renji was an inch from his face arms on either side of Byakuya now, "...Byakuya I Love You."_

_Byakuya had his Zanpakuto out and held it at Renjis throat until Renji was forced to move back. "How dare you talk to a Kuchiki this way? Especially when he is your Captain?"_

"_I am sorry Captain." Renji sounded heart broken. Byakuya had never heard the red head sound like that and did not wish to ever hear him sound this way again. Renji left the room before he could tell him that he was just in shock and did not know how to react._

_Then he saw him with Ichigo...he had chased after him which is something he has never done._

_Byakuya fell to the ground on his knees, his arms wrapped around his stomach. 'Am I dieing?' He had thought to himself as the tears swelled and fell. In to much pain to care if he was making a fool of himself by crying loudly. He did not need to worry even his sobbing was quiet and dignifyed. He could not even bring himself to move out of hearing range of there love making,_

'I was a fool to think his confession was serious," Byakuya thought to himself as he walked away from the crying Renji. He was almost out of the corridor when he used Shunpo back to Renji's door. He entered to find Renji's Zanpakuto out his red hair hanging beautifully over his face and shoulders. Byakuya smiled because it was his own fault for hiding his Reitsu.

"Oh Captain I am sorry I did not realize it was you," Renji tried to dignify himself as he sheathed his sword.

Byakuya marvelled at Renji's beauty even his tattoos seemed to enhance it.

"Renji," Byakuya fell into the unexpecting redhead "tell me again what you told me before." Byakuya knew it sounded weak and maybe a little feminine but he didn't care. He just needed those words again.

"I Love You." Renji shocked himself. He had thought he had eradicated all of his feelings for this once stoic man who was showing him a very cute and a very private side of himself.

"I know I did this wrong the first time but Renji I Love You, you have also been in my mind and my hear..." renji interrupted with a kiss.

Byakuya pulled away for a moment of time. "You have a direct order not to give yourself to _Kurosaki_ again!" Renji smiled. "Of course my Byakuya" Renji whispered as he pulled him in for another kiss. "May I have you?" Renji whispered into his lovers hair.

"Please?" Byakuya seemed to beg. They spent their whole day and night together. Leaving the the third seat of the sixth division worried about their absence.

The next day, renji smiled as he saw the faint blush on Byakuyas cheeks during their morning formation.

**A/N: I know this is a story about Ichigo and Grimmjow, but they were a little busy for a moment *Blush* so I didn't want to disturb them. Their will be more of Ichigos _mistakes_ before he found out about Grimmjow still being alive and of course about the couple themselves, not everything will be rose colored.**

**A/N 2: Also the two songs I was listening too while writing these were Nicklebacks Far Away and Savin' me. Truly awesome songs! Of course I will let you figure out which song fits with which part..lol. See you soon!**


	3. Holding Back

**A/N: I don't own bleach or any of the characters...**

**A/N2: I do not condone suicidal actions, if you are having these thoughts please seek help immediately! Call 1-800-273-8255 day or night, go to the E.R., call your local law enforcement or tell someone you trust that can help you through it.**

The Fall continued from ch. One

I climbed and continued climbing until everything looked like ants. I had left my body behind, it just hurt to much to go back to it. I thought maybe if I climbed high enough I could reach you. This turned out to be false. 'There is only one way I can reach him now and that is to not exist,' I am desperate to reach you Grimmjow.

I know you wouldn't want this. I could hear you now telling me to live until you had the chance to kill me.

'What a strange and sad creature I am, in love with someone with no hopes of ever having that loved returned!' A tear fell from my eye as they closed and I pictured you, Grimmjow. I set one foot halfway off the ledge and just fell. I smiled knowing it should be over soon and the pain will be gone.

I feel a sudden but gentle stop. I open my eyes a little to catch a glimpse of blue and I just drift off to sleep. Somehow able to sleep better than I have been able to in awhile. I knew I wasn't dead. Grimmjow did you reach down and save me? That's impossible! Grimmjows dead! I scolded myself as I started to awaken...

Why not me?

When Chad heard that Ichigo was found and someone had saved him he breathed a sigh of relief. 'I am glad someone was able to make it in time,' Chad thought relieved. He can still remember the promise Ichigo and himself had made, so he had a hard time understanding why Ichigo chose to do this battle alone. He knew the enemy Ichigo was facing was his own despair but he still wanted to help Ichigo.

'Ichigo, I know you did not accept me but let me help you through this...' Chad started to lament his own weakness.

"Where is Ichigo?" He seemed to demand more than ask of Rukia.

"He is currently in Soul Society." She stated with a look of concern on her tiny face.

"Oh, who made it to him?"

"You get right to the point don't you? Apparently Grimmjow..."

"Grimmjow's dead!" Chad seemed shocked and about to break according to Rukia.

"Well let me finish!" she explained how Grimmjow became a captain, then went to the matter at hand, "Grimmjow found out how much despair Ichigo was in, after he regained his memories of course, and went straight to him. Unfortunately, when he got there Ichigo had already jumped but thankfully he was able to catch him. You can imagine our surprise when Grimmjow should up a few days ago, especially after he has been gone for three years!" Rukia sighed.

"Grimmjows alive?" Chad's eyes were a mixture of sadness and happiness.

"Yes, are you OK Chad?"

"Yea, excuse me miss Rukia." Chad then walked away from her.

"Hmph! Oh well," Rukia said to no one in particular and went back through the doors to Seirtei.

Chad was alone walking with his thoughts. He was remembering everything about Ichigo. He could even tell you when he first fell in love with him. _Ichigo was laying on his back looking at Chad and holding his medallion up to him. _Then his memories turned to sadness when he thought about last year.

"_Chad?" Ichigo was in his body which was a rarity these days._

"_Yes Ichigo?" Chad felt his heart thump at the feel of Ichigo's name passing by his lips._

"_Walk with me." Chad got up from where he was sitting and followed him. Though Ichigo does not know, he would follow him anywhere. They came to a secluded area. It was beautiful. The grass grew naturally and waved in the wind. The wind smelled of rain. 'Its going to start raining,' Chad thought to himself._

"_Chad," Ichigo collapsed into the taller male. Chad felt Ichigos shoulders trembling and the warm wetness of his tears against his chest._

_Chad pulled Ichigo to the ground as he sat down, carefully situating Ichigo into an embrace. He had both legs on either side of Ichigo with both arms wrapped tightly around him, trying to protect him from the world as best he could. Before the battle Hueco Mundo he had never seen the smaller break and seem so fragile._

"_Why did it have to happen? Why did he have to die?" Ichigo asked desperate for an answer, looking up at the taller male._

"_I'm sorry Ichigo, I have no answer for you." He said honestly then feeling Ichigo's fist tighten on his shirt. "Ichigo?"_

_Chad could remember the feel of Ichigos' lips on his own. Then the rain came. He pulled him onto a tighter embrace warning himself that he should stop. Ichigo was way to fragile for all of his feelings right now. He went to pull away from Ichigo, so he could regain control of himself when Ichigo looked up at him with pleading eyes, Chad pulled him back into the embrace and allowed the kiss to last as long as Ichigo needed it to. Before long they were making love in the rain._

_Chad was elated until Ichigo cried out Grimmjows name._

_When they were finished Chad pulled Ichigo to him and whispered "Whenever you need me I will be here, come to me anytime." As he said this his heart broke but for the happiness of his lover and best friend he could bear with it for awhile. Chad looked down to see a sleeping Ichigo and when he was sure he was completely asleep he whispered into Ichigos' hair, "I love you, Ichigo." Then he slowly drifted off after him._

_Ichigo visited a lot after that, some nights he would just cry and others they would make love. Those are the times Chad noticed the bruising..._

"_Ichigo?" He asked, indicating the bruises._

"_Oh that's where I had fallen," Ichigo answered as if it were an everyday occurrence. Chad just pulled him tighter._

_'Ichigo please don't hurt yourself, I love you' Chad thought to himself as he tried to get his feelings across to Ichigo physically. On those nights, when Chad would let Ichigo feel his heart, those nights Ichigo only whispered Chads name. But then Ichigo would always fall asleep and as if to break Chad over again he would scream out for Grimmjow in his sleep._

'I guess those blessed nights are at an end Ichigo,' Chad fell into the nearby wall holding his chest and fighting away his tears. 'I am happy for my love I truly am, but deep down I wish you would have chosen me!'

"Well if it isn't Chad!" Urahara smiled, "why don't you come in! You look like you could use a good meal."

"Yeah sure." Chad agreed halfheartedly. They just sat and talked for hours, being Chad was of a few words, it proved to be interesting for Urahara. It also brought memories back to himself of an overzealous Shinigami that tore his heart out when he had following for a human woman.

"Thank you, but I must be going now." Chad stated before getting up and glanced at the clock, though he knew Ichigo wouldn't be coming tonight. Somewhere in his heart he _needed _to be where Ichigo could find him.

"Of course, anytime you need a good meal you are always welcome." Urahara said with a heavy heart. 'What is with those Kurosaki's, they have no regard for anyone but themselves, when it comes to love that is.' Urahara sighed as he thought to himself.

**A/N: There will be more coming soon! Yes this is still a Grimmichi story, but remember our action or our inaction effects everyone around us, whether we know it or not. **


	4. All out of nothing?

**A/N: Sorry this took so long! Ugh...writers block! Please enjoy!**

"So tell me Ichigo what have you been up to in my absence?" Grimmjow seemed to softly growl.

"Please lets not talk about your absence, its too painful for me." I hid my face in my loves clothing.

"Whatever you wish my love..."Grimmjow smiled as he laid me back kissing me on the way. I have been waiting for this feeling, even if we went no further I can die happily.

Is this what you want?

_Uryu looked up from his stitching to see Ichigo standing over him. He looked as if he was about to fall over._

"_What are you doing here?" Though Uryu was usually snappy when it came to Ichigo his voice was concerned._

"_Uryu?" Ichigo whispered faintly as he fell into the smaller male. Though Uryu remembered Ichigo being well built he was as light as a feather and Uryu could feel his bones under his clothing._

"_Ichigo?" Uryu cried._

"_Please I just need to rest awhile," Ichigo whispered._

"_Can you walk?" Ichigo nodded his head. Uryu helped him into the bed._

"_Let me get you something to eat, I will start you off with broth." Uryu went to get up when Ichigo's hand grabbed his clothing._

"_What is it?" Uryu was startled._

"_Please stay..." Ichigo pleaded._

"_Of course for awhile..."_

_Ichigo pulled Uryu down haphazardly, due to not having any strength, and pulled him into his arms._

"_Ichigo, what are you doing?"_

"_Please help me forget..." Uryu felt the tears fall onto his head._

"_Let me get you well first...then if you still wish me to try I will."_

"_OK"_

_It took almost a month for Ichigo to regain his strength._

_'As usual he still suffers quietly,' Uryu thought to himself._

"_Uryu?"_

"_Yes?"_

"_Please help me to forget?"_

_Uryu walked over to Ichigo who was standing by the small island in the house they were sharing. "Is this what you want?" Uryu pulled Ichigo into a kiss._

"_Yes Uryu...Please make me forget..."Ichigo pulled Uryu into a deeper kiss until they could no longer stand it._

_'Its different with Uryu, maybe I can forget everything with him. I want to protect him, but can I protect him from myself..." Ichigo thought to himself as they made love on the cold kitchen floor._

'We were together for only three months,' Uryu thought to himself, 'I was so happy even though I knew it wouldn't last I let myself hope...'

"I guess that is what I get for hoping the one I love would choose me," Uryu sighed to himself as he packed the last box. "There now I can leave this dreadful place..."

"_Uryu? Where are you?"_

"_I am right here Ichigo, I just stepped outside for a minute."_

"_You know not to dissappear on me! What if something happened to you? I couldn't protect you!" Ichigo shoved Uryu into the bedroom and locked the door._

"_Ichigo what are you doing?" Uryu banged on the door._

_'What have I done?' Ichigo thought as he unlocked the door._

"_I am so sorry Uryu, I just worry about you so much," He pulled Uryu into his arms. Uryu tried not to shake as Ichigo pulled him in for a kiss._

"_Ichigo," Uryu whispered before their lips touched._

"_Grimmjow," Ichigo whispered as a tear fell from Uryu's eye._

_When they were done making love Uryu turned his head and cried._

"_Why are crying?" Ichigo whispered in his ear._

"_Is this fun for you Ichigo?"_

"_What are you talking about?" Ichigo angered._

"_You have been with me for three months now and not since the first time we were together have you whispered my name! I know you were and are hurting Ichigo but I can't keep this up letting you make __love to me without any feelings! Do you enjoy making love out of nothing at all*?"_

"_You are nothing to me! Just a stepping stone until I see Grimmjow again!"_

"_He's gone! Don't you realize that?"_

_Ichigo went to hit Uryu full force but stopped right before. "I'm leaving and you will never see me again." Ichigo got dressed and left._

"_Ichigo..."Uryu put out his hand and whispered his name until he heard the door slam. Then he fell apart while hugging his knees._

'I still love you Ichigo and I always will, perhaps another life?' Uryu thought to himself as he pulled the door shut. 'I heard you went with Chad after you left here, did you love him? Or, are you completely happy now that you have found your precious Grimmjow, do you spare a thought for me?'

"I wish you happiness, goodbye Ichigo Kurasaki."

Well...

"Grimmjow will you stay by my side forever?"

"Of course my love, I am always here."

"Even if I have done so many terrible things?"

"You are here with me now, that is all that matters." Grimmjow smiled.

"I love You, Grimmjow."

"I love you."

_**The end**_

*= Inspired by Making Love out of Nothing at All by Air Supply

**A/N: I hope you all enjoyed the story:) **


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